This week was a mixed bag if ever I’ve seen one, you guys. There were moments I didn’t want to end (spoiler alert: they were all dance related, and more specifically, Ru Paul related) and yet there were also entire hours of my life that I will never be able to redeem. Such is reality TV, though. Some days we are enthralled, uplifted, entertained, and other days we realize what a terrible hole we have dug ourselves into as a society and panic because it seems like there is no way out.
Either way, what a thrill ride it is, which is why we keep coming back week after week! There are never any guarantees (other than drama, of course) and I’ll be perfectly frank — I like it that way.
So, let’s waste no more time — The Challenge did that enough for us already. (Oops…I mean…spoiler alert!) Grab your gloves and let’s get dirty.
Where we’re at: This week we said goodbye to the last of the showmances as Matt was unanimously voted out of the Big Brother house, following a major blow up with HoH Jason. At first, when Matt and Raven both ended up on the block for elimination, they didn’t seem too perturbed. Most likely because everyone and their dog — including Jason himself — was telling them that Jason would use his Power of Veto to get Raven off. But, when Jason began to catch wind that not everyone in the house is that big a fan of Kevin, a rather large wrench was thrown into those plans. So, Matt and Raven stayed on the block, for the sake of a man who wraps himself in plastic wrap every night, and Raven consequently lost any semblance of cool she once had. Obviously Matt joined right in, escalating the scenario to a place that even Josh felt was dramatic, and eventually Kevin got called out for the $25,000 he took on night one. So, now Kevin has been outed, Josh has cried even more, Matt is out of the house, and Raven is left exposed, on her own.
What’s next: There was no HoH competition this week due to weather issues. Rain in Los Angeles meant that the competition has been delayed till next week, but so be it! That would have been a lot of episode to absorb, anyways, and I’m feeling pretty satiated for the time being. As for the house guests, the clock is really ticking now. The biggest targets lie on Raven and Kevin’s back for the time being, it seems, though I’m beginning to wonder why no one is gunning harder for Christmas. She should not be allowed to slip under the radar for much longer, or else Paul could be in trouble.
Odds of Raven being on the block again next week: 4/9
Odds of Matt and Raven staying together in real life: 3/1
Odds of Christmas getting HoH next week: 20/1
Where we’re at: The closer we get to our Top Three dancers, the harder it is getting to say that anybody deserves to go home. This week in particular our Top Eight dancers brought it to the table, and I ate up every last morsel of what they were serving. Both group routines were awe-inspiring, with one being as close to life-changing as a dance routine on a nationally televised dance competition can be (to me). And, our dancers – oh, our dancers! Each one performed with their All-Stars, but also mixed up it to dance with one another and, you guys, the ascent to the top of Dance Mountain isn’t going to be an easy one
Highlights from Last Week
Bottom Three: Dassy, Koine (I warned you, America; do not do this again), and Kaylee.
What’s next: Next week we continue our quick ascent to the top of Dance Mountain, moving so quickly I barely have time to catch my breath. At this point of the competition it is going to get harder and harder to let dancers go, and I can only hope that, to ease our pain, the choreographers give us more Ru.
Odds of Koine fighting back and making it through another round: 1/3
Odds of Kaylee heading home next week: 5/4
I don’t want it, guys! I’m here for Kaylee! But, she has been consistently inconsistent this season, and unfortunately at this point in the game, that will be a dancer’s undoing.
Odds of me loving Kiki anymore than I do right now: 50/1
It’s not impossible, but it’s damn close.
Where we’re at: It wasn’t a very exciting week on The Challenge, unless your name is either Aneesa or Veronica, and in that case it was probably a very exciting week. We began with the Marie vs. Tori elimination we missed out on last week, with Tori winning 3-0. Back at the house, Veronica and Aneesa discovered that they share an ex, Rachel Robinson, and after one thing leads to another, they end up sharing a bed for the night. The daily challenge was kind of a bore. Contestants split themselves up into five teams (two guys, two girls each) and basically had to remember what order all of the 30 seasons aired in. CT’s team took first place, while Team Bananas and Team Jordan came in last.
For the second week in a row we only got to watch one elimination round. This time it was the ladies, with Kailah and Aneesa going head to head. The challenge: each player had to break through floors and climb a ladder with two giant weights shackled to their ankles. Kailah showed more endurance through the challenge and Aneesa was eliminated.
What’s next: Next up, the guys’ elimination from this week that we missed. Cory will face Hunter, which the trailer posted on Twitter claims will be EPIC. We are also going to get a trivia night, apparently, so that should hopefully liven things back up. Right? Wait, is that not typically what trivia does to a party?
Odds that Tori makes it to the final-round elimination: 1/3
Odds that Cory will beat Hunter in their elimination round: 5/4
Odds of Aneesa and Veronica hooking up after the season ends: 11/8
Where we’re at: So much exercising and so many lunches happened this week. Tamra, Eddie, Lydia, Doug, and Shannon’s husband, David, all trained for (then participated in) a Spartan race, which ended up being a huge bone of contention in Shannon and David’s relationship. Shannon felt as though David spent far too much time training, and far too little time with his family (or working out with her). She was so against it, she didn’t even go watch him participate, leading Lydia to question whether something deeper was really going on between the married couple. Lydia, I think we all know the answer is, “Yes.”
Shannon and Peggy had a lunch where Peggy refused to play the Housewives’ #1 favorite game: talking shit about other people. In the most mature move we have seen on this show in a long time, Peggy announced that if Tamra had issues with her, then she could call her up and they could talk like adults. Whoa, guys. Shannon also told Peggy that she should mind her own business in regards to the Shannon vs. Vicki drama.
Peggy’s second lunch was with her husband, Diko. They laughed a lot together although it was uncomfortable to watch him flapping his hands around like that. Diko encouraged Peggy to talk with Tamra, even if Tamra could have initiated conversation and didn’t.
For her third, and final, lunch Peggy met with Tamra to clear the air. It was clear neither wanted to be there, but kudos to them for trying.
Finally, Shannon, Kelly, and Meghan got together for some St. Patty’s Day celebrations, which actually ended in good tears. Both Shannon and Kelly shocked America by calmly discussing their feelings, and listening to one another. But, we all know a good thing only lasts so long in Orange County, right?
What to expect: If you thought the change of heart displayed by Kelly this week was evidence of some deeper, zen-like transformation, you are probably very wrong. The preview for next week makes it look like Kelly is just refocusing her vitriol towards another poor wife: Meghan.
Odds of Kelly making Meghan her new enemy: 1/4
Odds of Peggy returning for another season: 1/1
O/U on how many lunches we sit through next episode: 3
Where we’re at: I have two theories about what has been happening this week in Paradise. The first: there is nothing of interest happening on the beach, thereby forcing us all to relive the Corinne-DeMario scandal week after week. The second: Bachelor in Paradise producers are actually, truly convinced that this extended “look” at said scandal is adding something of value to the broader, and very serious, conversation about consent, responsibility, and — dare we say it — sexism within sexual assault allegations. Honestly, it can’t be the latter, so by default it seems safe to assume there is nothing else of true interest happening on the beach.
Let me get this out of the way first, and then I’ll get to the recap. I promise. When you sit someone down to discuss their side of the story, it is generally expected that you will listen to their side of the story. Instead, Corinne was essentially just asked over and over to admit that she was sorry for what happened to DeMario and assure all of us that nothing was his fault — even if it wasn’t, guys, why is no one telling Corinne they are sorry for her?
Next episode can we please have the bartending and legal staff up for an interview, so we can find out how Corinne was able to get over-served so damn quickly? That would be great, thanks.
In other news, two new guys showed up to the beach, a timely distraction. Daniel and the Tickle Monster both arrived this week, neither of which is that exciting. Speaking of Rachel’s season, are we all over Dean yet? He is turning into the worst version of America’s sweetheart, playing Kristina so blatantly, and it’s awful to watch. Kristina, girl, please just cut the man loose.
Matt gave his rose to Jasmine; Derek gave his rose to Taylor; Robby to Amanda; Adam to Raven; Ben Z. gave his to Danielle L.; and Dean gave his to Kristina.
What’s next: Corinne and DeMario were spotted leaving a club at the same time earlier this week, and Corinne was all smiles and “We are friends!” In all sincerity, I hope they are good, and I also hope that this week was the last time we had to listen to a sorry excuse for conversation. What can we expect from our lovers left on the beach? My main question is: when’s Kristina gonna leave Dean? The answer is, unfortunately, probably not this week.
O/U how many times Dean will tell Kristina he is into another girl next week: 2
Odds that this was the last episode Chris Harrison will talk about the Corinne-DeMario scandal: 11/8
Odds that Kristina ditches Dean this week: 9/1
Where we’re at: Yet another quarterfinal-to-semifinal elimination round has passed this week. Five more acts were eliminated this week, sending seven more finalists through to the semis.
Odds of Diavolo making it to the final round: 1/3
Odds of Mike Yung being sent home next round: 5/4
Odds of Greater Works winning the competition: 50/1
The Lowe Files (A&E, Wednesdays at 10pm)
Actor Rob Lowe and his two sons, Matthew and John Owen, share more than just a really strong genetic pool, it seems. Since his early childhood days, Rob Lowe has apparently been fascinated by unsolved mysteries, an interest he has passed down to his sons. Now, on The Lowe Files, Rob, Matthew, and John have a chance to indulge in and explore infamous unsolved mysteries, much to the viewing pleasure of the rest of us. Because, Rob Lowe, am I right?
Currently five episodes in, The Lowe Files can read a bit like a vanity project turned remedy for empty nest syndrome, however there is something amicable and charming about Rob Lowe that makes you truly hope this father-son-son trio is having the time of their lives.
Odds that the Lowe’s solve any mysteries this season: 20/1
Feature photo: RuPaul (by David Shankbone [http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/])
CC-BY-SA-3.0 ()], via Wikimedia Commons
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