Let me tell you, things have really changed around here since last week. We said goodbye to yet another show (and to Kiki in the process — you’re going to have to let me feel my way through this one, okay?), making the whole transition from summer to fall feel just that much more official.
Thankfully, there are more hits on the way, because what does Autumn mean in the reality TV world? It means The Voice and it means Survivor — guys, these are two of the best, year-round.
Even better news? You only have to survive one more post where I bemoan the tragedy of losing So You Think You Can Dance, and all the ways I will miss my favorite dancers. Honestly, I’m a little surprised you’re even still here, considering. (Thanks for that, by the way!)
Here is my promise to you: It’s only upwards and onwards, from here on out! There is so much to look forward to, so many good shows to dig into, and so much singing left to make me feel the feels Kiki once did. Sigh.
(Alright, seriously now.)
Where we’re at: It’s the end of the line, guys. The votes have been cast, the ballots have been counted, and America’s favorite dancer has been named. Lord Have Murphy, what am I supposed to do without Kiki, and Koine, and Lex (sorry, Taylor) to come back to every week? Re-watch my favorite dances on YouTube, you say? Well, twist my rubber arm, it’s gonna have to do.
The two-hour finale felt a little daunting at first. Two hours? That is a long time when you consider there were only four dancers left in the competition. Thankfully, the producers are more competent than I assumed — shocking, right — and they totally accounted for how much material one needs to fill two hours of television time. In addition to a few new performances (I’ll get to that in a moment!), we also got to relive some past magic, with the judges’ favorite routines of the season.
Oh you guys, everything was good this week. Everything was good, everything was beautiful, and everything felt right. These final four dancers had nothing but gratitude for being there, and goodwill for one another. This is the kind of stuff we need more of.
Highlights from Last Week:
AND, THE WINNER IS: Lex Ishimoto! Not that any of us are surprised, especially after that dance with Travis. Seriously, that was a bit weird, right? Beautiful, but weird. Now, we all know my abiding love for Kiki, and deep conviction that Koine was the most developed and charismatic dancer on the show, but the contest really always belonged to Lex. This is after all a contest to find America’s best dancer — not America’s most improved dancer. And, in that vein, Lex Ishimoto deserves it all.
Where we’re at: It’s official, guys. We have all been taken for fools this season. Here we were, all of us assuming that the Challenge we have been watching is people vying for a cash prize, when really what we have been watching are people trying (and failing) to not make complete fools of themselves each and every week. The true Challenge, it seems, is to make it through one night of clubbing unscathed.
And guess what? That challenge was just a bit too much for the two BFF’s, Hunter and Nelson, this week. I mean, Hunter did just get dumped by his girlfriend (of six months), but that’s just not a good enough excuse for taking it out on Kailah the way he did. After a night out drinking — go figure — Hunter came back home and laid into Kailah, because she apparently told him years ago that she didn’t like his voice. Funny how some things just stick with you, I guess. This was inappropriate enough on its own, but once Nelson added himself to the mix, things moved up to a whole other level.
Derrick and Camilla just happened to be outside at the same time Hunter and Nelson were hyping one another up, unfortunately for them. Honestly, how it came to this point I don’t even fully understand, but one thing led to another and suddenly hyped-up Nelson was punching Derrick right smack in the face, while Hunter stood by and watched.
Thankfully, someone on the production team has some sense of propriety and Nelson was immediately eliminated from the house. We have seen our fair share of drunken antics on this show, but I, for one, am glad that a line has been drawn in the sand on this. I am not as pleased with the fact that Hunter seems to be getting off scot-free; he may not have thrown the punch, but his hands are definitely not clean, either.
The daily challenge (which happened before the Nelson blow-up) was called “Saved by the Bell,” and consisted of four teams of four making their way across two suspended platforms (two at a time, moving in opposite directions) with five hanging bells in between. Team Two (Hunter, Camila, CT and Kailah) won this challenge. Coincidentally, they were planning to nominate Nelson when TJ gave them the news that he was being sent home.
I guess it was just written in the stars for Nelson this week.
What’s next: There will inevitably be another night out at the club, leading to more bad decisions.
Odds that Hunter gets into another fight next week: 4/9
Someone has got to, right?! But really, Hunter has just come back to the house and I don’t really know who is happy about it at this point. I mean, I’m sure Nelson was, but now …
Odds of Hunter’s girlfriend wanting to get back with him after the show ends: 20/1
I mean, if he wins the cash-money, who knows how she will feel, but for now I think the safer assumption is that she probably feels pretty good about her decision.
Where we’re at: A bizarro world version of the Orange County, I presume? Because this Kelly Dodd is not the Kelly Dodd I have been watching all season, let me tell you. Maybe it was the vulnerability that comes hand-in-hand with allowing a film crew to follow you as you prepare for surgery, anxieties and all. Maybe it was the copious amounts of positive attention everyone was giving her throughout the episode. (Even the Wives know that, when someone is in the hospital, you treat ’em nice.) Or maybe we actually did unknowingly tumble down the rabbit hole, finding ourselves in something that looks like Orange County, but is definitely not Orange County, at least, not the Orange County we once knew.
It’s hard to tell at this point.
Anyways, what I am trying to say is that Kelly was actually not crazy or mean this episode, and it had me like, whoa. Even Michael, her husband, managed to come across as sweet — who is this man, telling his wife she is beautiful only moments after surgery? (Sidenote: Kelly didn’t want to hear it from him, and she didn’t want to hear it from Vicki. Girl knew she was looking rough — it was surgery, after all — and she didn’t need anyone to lie to her about it.) Nearly all the Wives, minus Lydia, stopped by to pay respects (too dire?) to Kelly, and her new, smaller boobs. Highlights include but are not limited to: 1) so many orchids; 2) new-Kelly revealing the depths of her self-actualization when she admitted to Shannon that her unhappiness in marriage often comes out in bad ways; and 3) new-Kelly showing Meghan the scars from her new-boobs.
If you’re wondering whether our Wives were able to sit down for a meal together this episode, don’t fret — dinner happened. Dinner always happens in the OC. Meghan assured us all that her career as a Private Investigator is officially over (she will not be launching any more cancer investigations against Peggy), and Peggy misunderstood several idioms leading her to be unduly offended.
Oh, and Vicki had the flu — influenza B, to be exact. For obvious reasons, the other women had a hard time believing Vicki’s health claims.
What to expect: Vicki is upset that people were mocking her influenza B experience. I’m going to bet that this somehow becomes the topic of at least one coffee and/or hike in the future. We still have Doug’s vasectomy to “look forward to,” and honestly, after hearing Lydia talk so much about it, the editors better give us at least some hilarious drug-induced mutterings. We have also since learned that Kelly and Michael are in the process of a divorce, so I can imagine there will be some dedicated screen-time to watching that rift form.
Odds that Doug’s vasectomy experience gets any real screen-time: 20/1
We have heard so much about it, but this isn’t really the Real Househusbands of Orange County, is it? Also, Doug has had a really hard time not feeling emasculated by the whole thing, so I’m going to guess that he won’t want it recorded — and remembered — forever.
O/U how many Wives see Kelly’s new boobs next week: 3.5
O/U how many idioms Peggy gets offended by next episode: 2.5
It’s starting to feel a little strange, to be honest. She went to UCLA. Her husband doesn’t get this confused, and she speaks better English than him. I just don’t really get it.
Highlights from last week:
What to expect next: We are heading into more blind auditions, so it’s hard to know what is up next. I think we can expect the rivalry between Miley and Blake to continue growing, with each one trying to get the best country singers on their respective teams. I also think we can expect Jennifer Hudson to continue being her glorious and hilarious self. As for Adam? I mean, he’s definitely still there, but that’s about all I can say at this point.
Odds that Jennifer Hudson fills her team first: 1/3
Alright, so maybe Jennifer is my new Kiki Nyemchuk, but let’s be honest — she is a vocal powerhouse, and guys, she isn’t even waiting for people to be on her team before offering advice. She’s a flippin’ saint.
Odds of Blake having more country singers on his team than Miley: 4/9
Miley has had so many iterations of herself lately; people don’t always associate her with country music right away — even though it is literally in her genes.
O/U how many shoes Jennifer throws during the audition process: 3.5
Featured Image: Jennifer Hudson arriving at the 83rd Academy Awards. (David Torcivia (flickr [CC License]))
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