As if the thrill of divisional races wasn’t enough fodder for the talking heads of the baseball world, they were gifted two major bombshells in the last few days: Alex Rodriguez is retiring from baseball, and Tim Tebow is going to give the major leagues the old college try.
Is this a real retirement from A-Rod? Your guess is as good as mine. (Er, wait, no it’s not! At least, I should pretend it isn’t, since I’m supposed to be the expert.) If this isn’t actually A-Rod’s farewell, I’ll be awaiting another heartfelt written apology.
One thing I’m damn sure of is that Tebow’s intentions are sincere. (I mean “darn sure of”; sorry Tim!) But sincerity will only get you so far. The former Gator hasn’t played baseball seriously since high school. He’s spent the last year refining his hitting and throwing and his swing doesn’t look bad at all; catching up to a 90-MPH heater is another matter entirely, though.
Tebow plans to invite all 30 MLB teams to a workout later this month, hoping someone will take a Hail Mary on his natural athleticism and sign him to a contract. Even if a team does decide to sign him, he would have to work his way through the minor leagues before ever getting a chance on a big league roster, of course.
In my view, Tebow’s odds of getting a minor-league deal are actually pretty good. He might not see his new endeavor as a publicity stunt, but there are a number of franchises who may bring him aboard strictly for ticket sales. (No offense to the guys currently playing their hearts out for the Everett AquaSox, but I’m guessing the novelty of watching Tebow whiff at a circle change would put a few more derrieres in the bleachers.)
As for his prospects of ever reaching the majors? I’ll give him a fighting chance when he does pull a 90-plus-fastball down the left-field line. For now, it’s a huge longshot.
How long? Find out below as I set the odds on the former quarterback following in Bo Jackson’s footsteps, as well as some odds surrounding the A-Rod/Yankees nightmare.
Shot put: 18/1
There may not be much money for him there, but rugby seems like such a natural fit for the former NFL first-round pick.
Shot put and javelin would allow him to continue throwing objects. His footwork issues would probably carry over into a potential dancing career.
Michael Phelps, Golf: 7/1
Tony Romo, Golf: 12/1
Jameis Winston, Baseball: 15/1
Russell Wilson, Baseball: 20/1
LeBron James, Handball: 50/1
Johnny Manziel, Ferret-legging: 99/1
After fake-retiring from swimming in 2012, Phelps is adding more gold medals to his collection in Rio. All signs point to this being his actual last rodeo, and it’s well known that he’s a good golfer. What else will he do with his spare time? Move to Colorado and start … umm … “gardening”?
One season isn’t enough to confidently say Winston won’t be a bust in the NFL. If things don’t work out for him, he was a pretty good baseball player in college, too.
As for Manziel, his odds to chase a pro ferret-legging career are long. That’s not because he won’t pursue ferret-legging (he’s definitely going to pursue ferret-legging); it’s because there aren’t any pro opportunities in the sport … yet.
CC Sabathia: 3/2
Joe Girardi: 5/1
Brian Cashman: 9/1
Pinstripe uniforms: 99/1
Pitcher’s mound: 150/1
Infield turf: 175/1
What’s really concerning about Sabathia is that this is actually his best statistical season since 2012. Although the Yankees have only won the AL East in three of eight seasons under Girardi’s watch (how awful), he really hasn’t had much to work with over the last couple years.
We know Jay-Z made the Yankee hat more famous than a Yankee can, but what about the pinstripe?
Why would we believe anything he says ever again?
Barry Bonds: 1/2
Roger Clemens: 1/2
Alex Rodriguez: 4/5
Eventually, the voters will give into one of the players from the PED generation. At that point, there will be no definitive line anymore, and Cooperstown will be forever tarnished. Bonds and Clemens – arguably the most dominant hitter and pitcher of that generation – are going to be the first two in line.
There is a real difference between the likes of Bonds/Clemens and A-Rod, though. Rodriguez was actually caught and suspended for his transgressions.
Yasiel Puig: 1/2
Alex Rodriguez: 5/3
Jose Reyes: 1/2
David Ortiz: 7/3
Derek Jeter: 18/1
Tim Tebow: 150/1
Will Ferrell: 500/1
Michael Jordan: 500/1
Barack Obama: 1000/1
George W. Bush: 5000/1
George Foreman: 5000/1
Terry Crews: 5000/1
Puig is far too young, and far too talented, for the league to give up on him. The Dodgers will either bring him back up or trade him to rid themselves of the distraction.
It seems David Ortiz is the only one who believes it’s time for David Ortiz to retire; will he still think the same when Spring Training rolls around?
Crews may have every single muscle necessary to play just about any sport, but the dude struck out in slow-pitch.
Featured image: Ed Clemente Photography [CC BY-SA 3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons.
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